Tuesday, October 29, 2002
Today is the first day of the rest of my life.
Or some cliche as equally irritating.
I feel better today. I feel much better. I woke up and was ready to tackle the day. I felt like some of the weight that I have been needlessly carrying on my shoulders has finally lightened up a bit.
You see it all started with a house meeting about the move to Manhattan. I think Kelly, Rita, and I all felt a bit of nervous tension going into the meeting. We all want what we want out of the situation and I don't think that any of us thought that we would be able to compromise and still be happy.
Kelly immediatly said that the move to Manhattan was just as much an impossibility for her as it was for us.
Sigh of relief by Rita and Joe.
Kelly then said that she wanted to still move and as soon as possible. She wants to re-locate to Brooklyn. Rita and I had thought about it during the day yesterday. I decided that I thought it was a wonderful idea if only we could wait until after the New Year. Rita seemed to jive with this idea as well, although she did say that she wants to live in our apartment in Queens for the rest of her red-headed life.
SIKE!
But she don't mind staying for awhile longer.
After all of us said what we wanted out of the situation, we agreed that we would start feverishly looking for a new place come January 2nd. We would hopefully be able to give our landlord notice and be in our new apartment on or around 2/1/03. Pretty exciting! Brooklyn will be better for us. It will be filled with less Latinos and more gays!
I wish.
The places we are looking at will be filled with people of all shapes, colors, and sizes. It's pretty great! Also, we will be SO much closer to Mariah, which is a HUGE plus for me. AND the West and East Villages are right around the corner!
ROCK!
After this decision, the three of us sat around talking about other business. At one point, I just lost it and started crying. I explained that I have been feeling so horribly down these days and that I really feel like I am losing my grip. I talked about God, acting, my lack of happiness...
Both Rita and Kelly had such smart and intuitive advice. I listened to each of them with such intensity. I felt my life changing right before my eyes. Because, as they put it, it is up to me to change my life. To take more risks. To make it what I have always wanted it to be.
I was especially encouraged by what Kelly had to say. I tend to be very hard on her at times because she does things that I only wish I could do. She takes risks and as an actor AND human being, I need to be able to let go and do that.
Since I want my life changed so badly, why am I not extending myself and trying to achieve it?
It's time.
After Rita went to bed, Kelly and I stayed up a bit longer and discussed working together on this theater project she has been kicking around in her head.
In the past, when she has talked about it, I always dismissed doing anything with it for a number of reasons. After we dissected a few conversations that we have had in the last month or so, we both realized that maybe working together on this "piece" would be not only beneficial, but creatively exciting! I shared my feelings on the project and she seemed to like what I had to offer. Tonight, aside from working on some cover letters and monologues, I am going to read the play she has picked. I never thought that I would be so READY to get going on something. This is that SOMETHING that I needed.
I will report more on this at a later date, but for now, I am just excited to go home and read a new play. A play that I am going to help produce! Wow.
Was last night the night that changed my life?
I plan on also contacting my friend Mariah and asking her if she will give me voice lessons. Then I am going to research and join an acting class. These three endeavors combined with working my full-time job and potentially new part-time job could be the schedule I have been dying to have. It's time for Joe to stop sitting around feeling horrible. I have a course of action and I need to pursue it.
Maybe my prayers have been answered after all.
God...I hope so.
Just think...if I can start implementing this routine into my life AND I have Paul here with me...what else could I possibly lack?
I am sure I will think of something, but for now, I am just plain excited.
Thank you to Kelly and Rita for letting me release last night. I really needed it. I was about at the point of internal combustion.
I KNEW there was a reason why they are my best friends.
Or some cliche as equally irritating.
I feel better today. I feel much better. I woke up and was ready to tackle the day. I felt like some of the weight that I have been needlessly carrying on my shoulders has finally lightened up a bit.
You see it all started with a house meeting about the move to Manhattan. I think Kelly, Rita, and I all felt a bit of nervous tension going into the meeting. We all want what we want out of the situation and I don't think that any of us thought that we would be able to compromise and still be happy.
Kelly immediatly said that the move to Manhattan was just as much an impossibility for her as it was for us.
Sigh of relief by Rita and Joe.
Kelly then said that she wanted to still move and as soon as possible. She wants to re-locate to Brooklyn. Rita and I had thought about it during the day yesterday. I decided that I thought it was a wonderful idea if only we could wait until after the New Year. Rita seemed to jive with this idea as well, although she did say that she wants to live in our apartment in Queens for the rest of her red-headed life.
SIKE!
But she don't mind staying for awhile longer.
After all of us said what we wanted out of the situation, we agreed that we would start feverishly looking for a new place come January 2nd. We would hopefully be able to give our landlord notice and be in our new apartment on or around 2/1/03. Pretty exciting! Brooklyn will be better for us. It will be filled with less Latinos and more gays!
I wish.
The places we are looking at will be filled with people of all shapes, colors, and sizes. It's pretty great! Also, we will be SO much closer to Mariah, which is a HUGE plus for me. AND the West and East Villages are right around the corner!
ROCK!
After this decision, the three of us sat around talking about other business. At one point, I just lost it and started crying. I explained that I have been feeling so horribly down these days and that I really feel like I am losing my grip. I talked about God, acting, my lack of happiness...
Both Rita and Kelly had such smart and intuitive advice. I listened to each of them with such intensity. I felt my life changing right before my eyes. Because, as they put it, it is up to me to change my life. To take more risks. To make it what I have always wanted it to be.
I was especially encouraged by what Kelly had to say. I tend to be very hard on her at times because she does things that I only wish I could do. She takes risks and as an actor AND human being, I need to be able to let go and do that.
Since I want my life changed so badly, why am I not extending myself and trying to achieve it?
It's time.
After Rita went to bed, Kelly and I stayed up a bit longer and discussed working together on this theater project she has been kicking around in her head.
In the past, when she has talked about it, I always dismissed doing anything with it for a number of reasons. After we dissected a few conversations that we have had in the last month or so, we both realized that maybe working together on this "piece" would be not only beneficial, but creatively exciting! I shared my feelings on the project and she seemed to like what I had to offer. Tonight, aside from working on some cover letters and monologues, I am going to read the play she has picked. I never thought that I would be so READY to get going on something. This is that SOMETHING that I needed.
I will report more on this at a later date, but for now, I am just excited to go home and read a new play. A play that I am going to help produce! Wow.
Was last night the night that changed my life?
I plan on also contacting my friend Mariah and asking her if she will give me voice lessons. Then I am going to research and join an acting class. These three endeavors combined with working my full-time job and potentially new part-time job could be the schedule I have been dying to have. It's time for Joe to stop sitting around feeling horrible. I have a course of action and I need to pursue it.
Maybe my prayers have been answered after all.
God...I hope so.
Just think...if I can start implementing this routine into my life AND I have Paul here with me...what else could I possibly lack?
I am sure I will think of something, but for now, I am just plain excited.
Thank you to Kelly and Rita for letting me release last night. I really needed it. I was about at the point of internal combustion.
I KNEW there was a reason why they are my best friends.
